How To Keep Your Calm When You Are Angry

/ Blog / By Lyudmila

Why do we as mothers become so angry?

When I became a mother I thought I was going to be calm and not at all like my mother who would yell at my siblings and I every once in a while. But that was not the case at all…

I became an angry person when I became a mother. It was as if this whole other side of me was unleashed…

THE ANGRY SIDE…

I became angry at my husband!

I became angry at my kids!

Most of all…I became angry at myself!

What was going on with me? I had to try and figure it out because I didn’t like this side of me. I had to ask myself…

“What is making me angry?”

“What am I going to do about it?”

It took a bit of time…let’s just say it took a couple of years for me to figure out how to keep my calm when I was angry. I still get angry at times but definitely not as much as I used to and I put into practice what I learned about keeping calm.

I would like to share with you what helped me. If you are a mother, I hope what helped me will help you. Anyone else who is not a mother and reading this…I hope you will have just a bit of an understanding of why a mother gets angry.

What is making me angry?

This is the question I would ask myself. Most of the time when I would get angry and lose my cool it was because I was either exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated or more than likely all of those at once.

Are you going through any of those feelings? I know there are different times in life that can cause you to go through all those at once and one of those times is when you have a baby. You bring home this little human being who you are responsible for.

You are exhausted from lack of sleep.

Overwhelmed by all the changes.

Frustrated when you just can’t get the hang of breastfeeding or your baby just won’t settle down even though you have tried everything.

All those things at once can make you have a short fuse. All it takes is a little misunderstanding with your husband or a child that just won’t listen to make you angry. Not just a little angry but really, really angry.

You don’t want to get angry and most of the time you try to keep your cool. But you are surrounded by those who love pushing your buttons. Those who love pushing your buttons are your family.

It can be you asking your husband for the 100th time to throw his dirty socks in the laundry basket or your child asking for a glass of water for the 10th time.

Maybe it’s the dishes that keep piling up and you hope your husband will take the hint and wash the dishes because there are no clean dishes in the cupboard.

It’s the toys all over the house that you keep tripping over even though your kids have a playroom.

The scenarios can go on and on. Most of the time just one of those will not set you off and make you angry…but what happens when they start piling up?

Do you ever feel like when you are angry at something or someone you tend to deal out your anger to everyone else who gets in your way? Let’s say…

Your baby has not slept good at night and you have had a busy and tiring day…

You have told your 9 year old to get ready for bed for what seems like the 10th time.

You are already feeling the exhaustion and frustration building up…

Your teenage daughter comes up to you at almost 9:00 at night and says she didn’t finish her math and that she needs your help with it because she needs to turn it in the next day.

Then your loving and unsuspecting husband gives you a hug and whispers in your ear if you want to make love tonight.

All of a sudden you go from somewhat calm to raging mad…

You yell at your 9 year old to get in bed “right now”!

You give your teen an angry lecture about not waiting till the last minute to do her school work and how she needs to be more responsible.

You don’t want to be touched or hugged at the moment by your husband because all you really need is a helping hand. The last thing on your mind if at all is to be making love.

I think by now you have a pretty good understanding of what can make you angry so let’s figure out what you are going to do about it.

What am I going to do about it?

It won’t be easy and it will take a whole lot of grace but I believe you can do it.

You have to understand that not letting yourself get too exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated all at the same time is very important and will lesson your chance of becoming really angry.

If you know that combination will lead to an explosion of anger then you have to take notice and take measures to diffuse those feelings.

You have to ask yourself the question of why are you angry? Are you exhausted? Do you need to take a hot shower and get some time for yourself. Maybe you need to take a nap or get more sleep at night.

Communication is important.

Tell your husband how you are feeling and what help you need from him. Maybe have your husband help you with the house and the kids. If you have family close by reach out to them.

Those baby years are tough but they are so super short. Believe me, I know. I have been blessed with six children who I love dearly but gosh those first baby years were really tough. Especially when you have them closer together and everyone wants your attention. Including your husband.

But you know what?

When they grow up and become teenagers, they need you just as much just in other ways. My children range in age from an almost 20 year old down to an 18 month old. They still need me more than ever.

No matter what age our kids are we have to tackle the issue that is causing us to be angry. Our problem is that we attack the person instead of tackling the issue.

This is where rules and consequences come in handy. They do make life just a bit easier and they help us moms keep our calm.

Have age appropriate, well defined rules and consequences for your kids so that you don’t have to get angry and yell at them. I am still working on that one. The rules and consequences change as your children grow and sometimes you have to figure out what works and what doesn’t.

A lot of the time I can’t control the situation but I can control how I respond to it. I can control my emotions and my reactions. Be careful with your words and if need be give yourself a time out so that you don’t say something you will regret out of anger. I have had to take many time outs over the years and I still do.

I have to pause and decide to respond instead of react.

That is a hard one to do and will take patience, practice, and a lot of grace. Learn to apologize to your kids and your husband for getting angry and to also forgive yourself.

I would get angry at myself the most when I would lose my cool. How could I let myself get so angry with those who I love the most? That is just the way it is. The ones we love the most tend to get the brunt of our anger.

That is why we have to notice what makes us angry and take steps to keep calm even though all we want to do is yell and pull our hair out.